Hail Mary, Full of Grace, The Lord is with… ME!

For the past two weeks I have had something weighing heavy on my mind. I’m probably going to go deeper than I otherwise normally would, but stay with me. I’m not going to pretend I am a holy-roller or that I’m holier than thou. I can’t say I go to church as much as I used to and I don’t attend confession as it is deemed necessary by the religion I follow. I’m not sure if I should say follow or practice. Religion is a confusing topic for me. I absolutely, without a doubt, have faith. I am proud of my faith. I may not practice it according to the “rules” my church has set forth; nonetheless, moving on with this post.

Part of my faith is my belief in God. I will never force my belief onto anyone else and each person’s faith is their own and I can respect that. However, I do believe in God and I do believe he has the ultimate plan. Recently, something came up in my life that was not according to my plan. If it were up to me, this occurrence would not have happened at the time and in the way I wanted. But my faith leads me to believe that God shook his head and laughed, telling me I don’t make the plans—he does!

I shared this thought with my dude, and his response, to me, was unsettling. He asked me if I really believed God controls my fate. Well, duh! He says I am responsible for my own actions and the things that happen to me… well, yes, to some extent. But he continued making me feel as though my beliefs are unfounded. I challenged his stance on God, and have come to the conclusion we are not on the same page; hell, we’re not even in the same book (if the book were the Bible).

I have really enjoyed my sessions with dude, but at this moment I am conflicted. I’m not sure I can continue to seek help from someone who doesn’t have the same beliefs I hold. I have an uneasy feeling about my treatment and am wondering if it is time for me to move on.

Part of me seems as though I have come so far and I don’t want to start over, but I need someone who is going to lead me in the direction I want to go. Is it wrong to feel this way? Am I being irrational?

Maybe I’ll say the rosary and the answer will come to me.