I’m Still a Rock Star

At my most recent OB appointment, I confessed that I just feel like something is going to go terribly wrong with this pregnancy; I just have this gut feeling. My practitioner simply laughed and said, “It’s because you’re a mom and you have anxiety!” I had to laugh it off too because she’s right—it is completely my anxiety to blame. I don’t really know if anxiety can ever be cured. At least not for me. For a while, Ativan was helping me relax, but weighing the risks I chose not to continue taking while pregnant.

This past weekend we had a birthday party to attend and I knew this would be both a test and challenge to see how I could handle being in front of other parents. I gave myself a pep talk beforehand, reminding myself MJ is only two years old, she is going to act like a two year old, and all these parents of 7/8 year olds were once in my shoes and won’t think a thing of it. Fortunately, MJ loved being at the party and ran her little butt off. I took a deep breath and relaxed, telling myself “you’ve got this, she’s doing fine!” Most of the parents weren’t even paying attention to her and I’m sure they could have cared less about me—thank heavens!

And then came closing time. The party was over and it was time to leave. They were shutting the lights off and the meltdown began. The loud meltdown. The screaming “I WANT MY PACI” complete with waterworks and body tensed up and shaking began. Every head in the place turned to look. I felt my face and neck turn red and I took a deep breath and while I could feel the tears forming, I chose to laugh. I looked up at the other parents and they were smiling too. I simply said, “She’s had so much fun she doesn’t want to leave!” Everyone laughed and one mom said, “Oh we’ve been there. Good luck!” Everyone turned back around and went on their way.

Crisis averted!

Six months ago I would have dwelled on that occurrence the entire 45-minute drive home and then some. But for once, I just let it go. I can’t say the same will happen the next time something like this will happen, but I’m slowly learning how to adjust. So what if everyone wouldn’t have gone on their happy way? So what if one of the parents judged me for having a screaming toddler? So what if these things actually happen in the future? So, so what?

I’m still a rock star.