SuperMom!

Over the weekend we made our weekly trip to Effingham, as a family, to go to Rural King and Wal-Mart. Sometimes Jacob goes to Rural King early in the mornings by himself, and sometimes he waits for me to go along just so I get out of the house, because we know from where my depression stems. We then make a morning of it and do the grocery shopping as well, because we both also know I cannot handle Wal-Mart by myself with the girls. I become very overwhelmed and anxious.

As we were making our way up and down the aisles in Wal-Mart we saw a mom by herself with three small children, my guess is all under the age of 4 or 5. I looked at Jake and said, “Dang, look at her! I wish I could be like her.” He laughed and said, “Ain’t nobody want to be like her; that looks like hell!” But I was in awe. She packed up her three littles, took them into Wal-Mart, they seemed to all be behaving, and she was doing her shopping like nobody’s business. She was so calm and focused. She didn’t appear anxious or rattled. I thought about walking up to her and saying something about my admiration for her, but I just kept walking.

We crossed paths in several other aisles, and I just kept staring. How in the world was she doing it? Was she on a higher dose of Xanax than me or was she just that collected?

Now her baby was in the car seat, asleep, so kudos to her for timing that just right! The other two, while acting like toddlers act, weren’t by any means out of control, but definitely grabbing and asking for items as they hung over the cart and possibly testing her patience. But you would’ve never known. She never raised her voice and I heard her say, “Boys, sit back down, you already got your cereal and that’s all for today.” And do you know what? They sat down and didn’t say a word!

That was the last aisle I saw them in and regretted not having told her that she was killing the mom gig and I was jealous of her. So jealous.

Jake and I made our way to the self-checkout and I told myself to try to stay calm. While he is slowly learning the order of how I want to scan and bag items, he still messes it up (sometimes I think on purpose), but I tell myself to let it go. While this madness is going on, I have MJ in the corner playing flashcards on my phone – judge all you want, but she’s not asking me for every candy bar, bag of chips, balloon, sucker, cookie or anything else they put on those impulse shelves! (I’ve learned from experience.)

I reach in my purse to grab the debit card to pay, and pure panic comes over me—I can’t find the debit card/check book. I’m frozen, looking like an idiot, trying to replay in my mind where it could be. I stupidly look at Jake and ask him where the check book is… he’s not touched the check book in over eight years, like he’s going to know! In the meantime, I get out a credit card to pay, crying on the inside because I had just paid it off and vowed not to use credit cards anymore. Finally I remember I wrote a check the night before to my seamstress and had put the check book in the diaper bag! Whew… no more panic.

As we are walking out the doors, MJ asked to play the claw machine, but Jake gave me “the look” and I told her no, only for her to hang her head and kick her feet… (great here comes the meltdown)… and she says, “Fine! But I want a cheeseburger with no pickles and no onions.” Deal homegirl, deal.

We were almost to the car, when out the corner of my eye I spy Supermom! I decided I was going to approach her and tell her how great she is. I asked Jake to put the girls in the car and said I’d be right back. As I turned around to head towards her, I heard the most magical sound of my life… Supermom was screaming at her two older kiddos that she’s had it and they are NOT going to the movie as promised. She told them to sit down, buckle up and shut up.

YOU GO GIRL! I see you! I hear you! I feel you!!

And instantly, I was reminded no mom is perfect, and you can appear calm, cool, and collected, but we are all losing it on the inside… some of us on the outside too!

I decided it wasn’t the right time to approach Supermom, so I turned back around, headed to my car, smiled ear to ear and took another Xanax.