It Is Time

June 6, 2017.
That’s the day you couldn’t remember my name. You knew I was Miss Muffet’s daughter, but my name became “Girl.” I really was ok with that. After all, you have twenty grandchildren to remember. You knew me. You knew who I was. You just couldn’t think of my name. After this day, my mom started announcing who I was when I walked in the door, so then you knew.

May 14, 2018.
That’s the day you didn’t know who I was. You looked long and hard, but it’s as though you looked through me. I knew this day would come. I really was ok with that. I had read you may regress back to a state of thinking you were in your younger days, so I knew what to expect. You thought my mom was in her thirties and MJ was her daughter (me). And I was invisible. I really was ok with that. I saw the joy MJ brought to you, and part of me felt like I was watching you with me, when I was a baby. And I really was ok with that.

August 8, 2019.
That’s the day you met Baby Schu #2. You were so in love with her. You loved that you both shared a middle name. I told you she was named after my Godmother, Theresa Mae. You looked at me with blank eyes. You didn’t know you were my Godmother, and I really was ok with that. Growing up you never forgot my birthday or Christmas, and I’ll just go ahead and say it, I’ve always been your favorite!! And trust me, I really was ok with that!

September 27, 2020.
That’s the day everything became real. My intentions were to stop in briefly, as I was needing to get back home to give Jacob a brad nailer I had picked up at mom and dad’s. I stopped at Old Mac’s to get mom a tea and Gary an ice cream. I said my hello and was attempting my goodbye when shit hit the fan (well more like the floor). I couldn’t leave my mom to clean up the mess by herself, so I swallowed my pride (and breakfast) and helped her clean up the mess. I had also read that incontinence is a sign… of things getting worse. I thought I was being clever when I lined my entire nasal cavity with the Vicks VaporRub sitting on the coffee table to help mask the smell. Joke was on me when we decided to give you a shower and the hot steam caused my nose to catch on fire and an endless amount of snot flowed down my face. We all had a good laugh, that’s for sure!

Present.
Today’s the day I pray for your peace. While I do not want you to physically leave this world, you actually left me two years ago. I have grieved for two years. I talk about you often, to anyone who will listen! I find comfort in all our memories and especially knowing you’ll be reunited with Grandpa.

Please know, when He decides it is your time to leave, I really am ok with that.

I love you.

“But as for that day and hour, nobody knows it, neither the angels of heaven, nor the Son, no one but the Father alone.” Matthew 24:36