Don’t Panic, You’re Just Manic!

Today is the first time I’ve recognized I’m in mania (more specifically hypomania) and have expressed it to others. We are having a family hayride/cookout this weekend and everyone was responding what they would bring. Just reading the messages brought on my anxiety and heighten my feelings of agitation I’ve had all week. Top that with insomnia and not eating, and it’s been a helluva week. I responded to the group text simply stating I’m manic this week and I probably will show up empty handed. There, it’s out there. Everyone knows what to expect. On top of not having time to figure out what I’m making/bringing, I simply know that this mania is soon to end, which will be followed by depression and I’ll be lucky to get out of bed. So why even put that stress on myself? I said it. I am not doing it. So, does that mean don’t come if you can’t contribute? Does it mean don’t eat because you didn’t bring food to share? Who knows? Everyone’s expectations are different. But I am learning to recognize my symptoms and if I know something is triggering my anxiety, just acknowledge it and move on. Could others mistake it for being lazy? Sure. But the great thing about being in mania is I don’t care!

Now tomorrow or Sunday or Monday when I come down off this and go into depression I’ll probably cry about this decision. And so what if I do? Maybe at least I’ll get some sleep!

It’s funny to look back at a year and read (either my blog or personal journal) and notice similarities in time frames. I actually can predict what to expect. Is it harvest? Yep. Am I going to go off the deep end? Yep. Are my allergies crazy? Yep. Am I going to complain about it? Yep. Is it bonus time at work? Yep. Am I going to gamble it all away? Yep. Am I easily distracted? Yep. Am I irritated? Yep. Is my neck red and blotchy? Yep!

At least I know what to expect.

If you haven’t been reading this super-fast, you should start now, because that’s how all these thoughts are racing through my mind and I’m typing. Fast. It kinda feels like I’m on a rollercoaster. And sometimes my peripheral vision fades out. It’s freaky and cool at the same time.

I’m very jittering and feel like I’ve had 8 cups of coffee. Is this what ADHD is like? We all know Jacob has that! Is this how he feels?

Ok, lunch break is over- peace out y’all! Enjoy your weekend 🙂