Anxiety Attack vs Panic Attack: Is there a difference?

I’m trying something new with my blog. I am currently trying to blog through a panic attack. For the last 6 years I’ve had what I (and my healthcare professional) call anxiety attacks. I guess I’ve always thought anxiety attacks and panic attacks were the same thing, but anxiety attack sounded more clinical or professional to me.

Anxiety attacks would be triggered, usually by something disrupting my OCPD, and having an increased heart rate and feeling dizzy. With the use of grounding exercises, I typically could bring myself down within 20 minutes. 

For three years, I used medicinal marijuana in the form of gummies, recommended and approved by a healthcare provider for my anxiety and insomnia. I usually used these 2-3 times per month when my anxiety seemed especially high. 

After my cancer diagnosis, I used them 2-3 times per week. Honestly, it’s the only way I could sleep and take off any edge, as nearly all prescription medications had failed. These edibles worked fantastic and I wondered if that is what normal people feel like all day, every day! How amazing that must be… to be that calm, relaxed, and have no worries. I honestly believe my “high” state is what Jacob just naturally has; and I am so incredibly jealous of that.

Last Sunday night, right before bed, I like all the other times before, took my gummy an hour prior to my bed time, but after I laid down something very different happened. I thought I was having a heart attack. The room started spinning, I got very nauseous and I couldn’t breathe. My chest got very heavy and I thought for sure it was caving in. I couldn’t get any words out to Jake other than choking on “call 911!” He asked if it was a bad reaction or if I was really dying. I had no idea. I got very hot and short of breath. I went into the garage to cool off and make phone calls. My first call to a friend with way more experience in the marijuana dept than I who assured me I was not dying, it was a reaction. Whew, I started to feel better so I hung up. Ten seconds later, it started all over again, but worse… if that was even possible. I made a second phone call to a family member, who is also a healthcare professional, and she described what I was experiencing to a tee. A full-on panic attack. Luckily she understands this condition and was able to talk me through it and calm me down. Eventually I just started crying and refused to let my girls see, so I did what any grown-ass woman would do… I called my mom and asked her to come over. After she got here, my panic was relieved and I went to bed.

Fast forward to yesterday morning. I had so many emotions racing through my head and I knew I needed to blog about it. About ten minutes in I was overwhelmed with anxiety and for the first time in my life ate an edible in the morning. Jake was working and my parents had the girls for the day. I had told myself the prior weekend was a fluke and not from the gummy. One hour after ingesting said gummy and finishing my blog post, I got tunnel vision, racing heart, heavy chest, urge to vomit, and cold sweats. It’s happening again! I called another friend to talk me off the ledge, which worked for about 30 minutes, but I started all over again. I asked her to call Jake and have him come home from work. He did.

He came home to talk me down and talk to me. He wanted to identify the root cause of this panic attack, although we both knew (or thought we knew) it was the edible. Three hours later I could finally breathe normal again. 

So at bedtime last night, I vowed to myself and Jake that I wouldn’t be using THC any longer, because the panic attacks are nowhere near worth it.

Then there was today and right now. I haven’t had anything but antibiotics and stress today. And wouldn’t you believe it, at 8:35, I couldn’t catch my breath. I quietly motioned Jake into the other room so the girls wouldn’t see, and immediately started bawling while pacing the kitchen floor. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME! He grabbed me, held me, and let me cry. I told him I needed to write this down. I need to make note so I can come back to this. So here I am, blogging through a panic attack, bringing myself and my heart rate back down to reality.

I have never truly understood panic attacks and I have a newfound empathy for those who experience this feeling regularly. How on Earth do you do it? I don’t ever want to go through this feeling again. Ever. 

I now understand how entirely different an anxiety attack and a panic attack are, and I had no idea just how lucky I previously was.