D.C. Update

It’s been a minute since I’ve updated on how things are going… like really going. And no I am not visiting our nation’s capital! D.C. in our house means During Cancer. (B.C. is Before Cancer, and hopefully one day we’ll get to use A.C. and not A.D. for more than obvious reasons)!

So what’s been happening? Well, to put it lightly and to quote Ashley Gorley and Austin Shawn… “I’m asking myself, cause I can’t tell if this is hell or just high water.”

While my 2023 rounds of chemo included the harsh, in-your-face side effects (hair loss, bloody noses, diarrhea, dehydration, mouth sores, rashes, vomiting, water weight, etc), my 2024 rounds of chemo come with more silent side effects… mouth sores, sores inside my nose, acne, pain, neuropathy, and bone paint specifically at my joints. And one more time, louder for those in the back, I’m talking about debilitating joint pain. We are now in the chronic stages of this journey where I just don’t want to do this any longer.

Now when I say I can’t get out of bed in the morning it’s not because I just don’t want to, it’s because I physically struggle because of the pain in my arm, side, and left armpit/breast area, in addition to the stiffening of my knees and ankles. Now, getting out of bed is an accomplishment; not only for my depressive state, but my physical state.

Today was chemo day, and it was time to discuss the future and next steps. Dr. Yum Yum came rehearsed with four options, but I was crying mid-way through the second one. New drugs, long-term drugs, with horrible side effects. I’ve spent the last 45 minutes reading medical journals on all options, and honestly none of them sound fun or promising.

1. Tamoxifen – which Yum Yum doesn’t particularly like and wouldn’t recommend for my specific case, and his fear of blood clots developing, DVT, and throwing a PE.
2. Lupron injections + Arimidex – Yum Yum came in fast and hard with this recommendation, telling me if it was his wife in my chair, he would make her do this one. Side effects are heavy in the menopausal department AND psychiatric department. Emphasis on mental health.
3. Oophorectomy + Arimidex – without hearing the details I told him I wanted this one. He shook his head and said he’d jump through the insurance hoops, but they will absolutely deny it, deeming it medically unnecessary if I don’t first try other methods.
4. None of these. – I raised my hand and said, “Sign me up!” Yum Yum said that is my choice, but I will die. We laughed, I cried some more, and simply said I’m undecided at this time. But this one is sounding pretty damn good!

So… am I really that selfish? Nah. I couldn’t and wouldn’t do that to my daughters. But I am still reading my medical journals and doing my research. And as a backup plan, my sister-in-law is related to a guy with some Mexican secrets that will involve him smuggling some stuff across the border, but at this point I might be willing to try it!

If you have any experience with any of these, please reach out to me. I need to make a decision by the end of the week, but would love your input if you or someone you know did one of these treatments. If you’re a healthcare provider, I’d take your advice too!

“I know it ain’t gonna be no easy ride, and what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.
But I’m running outta places I can hide and every day, it’s like the nights get longer.
When I close my eyes the waves get higher and the flames get hotter. But I’m telling myself ’cause I know damn well that this ain’t hell…

it’s just high water.”