GOAL!

Recently I hit a personal weight loss goal. I’m not going to endorse any fad diets here or try to convince you to do the same and I 1000% promise there is no pyramid scheme in this story (I’m pretty hard up for money right now, but not that hard up)! I’ve struggled with my weight for a very long time. In fact, I try blaming it on something that happened 11 years ago. This is the time I started taking anti-depressants. The weight gain was very real and my doctor told me it was very common. Except I don’t think my weight gain symptoms were that common. I would eat ANYTHING and EVERYTHING, anywhere, anytime. I remember one of my college roommates walking by my room at two in the morning asking why I was eating a Chubby’s Wheel—by myself! I had actually gone to bed around ten, but woke up around one absolutely starving. I ate all the food in my cabinet plus a sleeve of crackers I stole out of Lisa or Maria’s cabinet. I couldn’t get enough food. In addition to the eating, I was drinking- a lot. Budweiser on top of that. Light beer was for pansies, I drank the diesel. In no time I had gained 50+ pounds and I hated myself every day for it. I took the pills so I wasn’t depressed, but the pills made me gain weight, which in turn made me depressed. It was a lose-lose for me. I would constantly joke about putting on my freshman, sophomore, and junior 50… but I was actually really bothered by it. This went on for several years, and the weight just kept piling on. A month before my wedding my dress didn’t fit and my amazing seamstress wasn’t able to pull out a miracle the one time in my life I needed it. My APN at the time prescribed me Phentermine to help shed some pounds. This stuff was gold! I dropped 15 pounds in a month. After the wedding I stopped taking it and gained all the weight back. I asked for it again and dropped another 20 pounds. I asked for it again… and she told me no because my blood pressure was getting too high. I felt betrayed! Didn’t she want me to feel good about myself? Didn’t she know I’d gain all the weight back?

I would crash diet for a while, to the point of wearing myself down and becoming sick. I’d lose some weight, just to gain it back. I switched healthcare providers after starting my employment after college and I asked my new provider to prescribe me Phentermine because I honestly wanted the easy way out. I explained how my diets didn’t work and a thyroid issue makes it impossible to lose weight. He agreed and I drop 20 pounds again. He too started worrying about my blood pressure and denied any refills. I put the weight back on again and became angry. I asked my OBGYN provider to prescribe and she agreed. My tears were very convincing. Mentally I needed those pills. Every time I saw her I had excuses, which in my mind were valid reasons. I really was doing Weight Watchers to no avail and my thyroid disease is legit. I would tell her about the upcoming wedding I was in and I was the fattest bridesmaid or I was going to Mexico and had to wear a swimsuit, etc. Eventually the pills stopped working their golden magic and actually just made me really sick. I would get so sick I would have to leave work. I was extremely light-headed and would throw up immediately after eating. You have no idea how many pregnancy jokes I had to laugh off while taking those pills. I’ve never done crack or speed, but I imagine some of the side effects are similar; I would go days/nights without sleeping. (Come to find out, that might just be part of my mania too.) I couldn’t take these pills any longer. Of course I gained the weight back. Eventually after some time, I became pregnant and had a great excuse for weight gain!

After I had MJ, the weight seemed to come right off. I was breastfeeding, never hungry-so not eating, and everyone was making comments about how good I looked! How awesome! Yeah, that lasted all of two weeks. Pretty soon my milk dried up, I became extremely depressed and my appetite returned in all of its glory. I used the excuse of just having a baby probably 6 months longer than acceptable. Finally I hit my breaking point.

In May, a coworker talked me into joining Weight Watchers at work with her and I told myself I just had to do it. My mental stability relied on this. I told myself the weight wasn’t going to come off overnight and it won’t come off fast, I have to do this the right way. No pills, no throwing up and not eating, no going days without sleeping, none of that. One pound at a time, one week at a time. I didn’t set goals of losing 10 pounds a month- that isn’t fair to myself and quite frankly pretty damn stupid. I set a long-term goal and an easy goal. Ten pounds in five months (two pounds/month). I did it! In September I hit my goal. I set another goal for myself and this week hit it too! It has been a much shorter time frame (Sept-Nov), but this became easier all because of seeing my dude.

It was simply amazing how easy the weight started coming off once the weight of the world was lifted off my shoulders. Once my flaws were exposed and I accepted my faults and not my faults, once I opened up and stopped holding on to my secrets, the weight started falling off.

I cannot stress how much seeing this dude has helped me. Mentally and physically. Taking that first step is the hardest y’all… but I’m telling you it’s worth it! And I promise, I didn’t drink any shakes, well…except that Raspberry milkshake from Homewood Grill and that Strawberry milkshake from Teutopolis Treats!! YUM!

Don’t ask me how many Weight Watchers points they are 🙂