Insomnianxiety

One word. A made up word, but my word. Insomnianxiety. Every. Single. Night.

Am I having real chest pains and that is causing my anxiety, or is my anxiety causing me chest pains? Am I having a heart attack? Am I having a panic attack? Do I have COVID? Did I turn my hair straightener off? Is Mills breathing? Did I wash MJ’s leotard? Did I paste a Zoom link to the meeting request at 9am tomorrow morning? If I fall asleep now I will get seven hours of sleep.

I need to add bathroom trash bags to my grocery list. Is the truck payment due the 13th or the 15th? Did Jake pay Kathy? Do I still owe TJ money? I should really memorize my speech for Sarah’s wedding. What if no one thinks my speech is funny? I think my speech is funny. What if I get too nervous and can’t give it? If I go to sleep now I could get six hours of sleep.

Did that doctor ever email me back about his deposition date? Did I reply to the attorney? MJ is out of S’mores PopTarts, I need to add those to the grocery list. Is that a lump in my armpit? Do I have armpit cancer? Why am I so hot? What did I say to Stephanie today? Should I not have said that? I wonder what she thought when I said it. I wonder why I stopped getting invited to outings. I’m pretty sure no one likes me. I need to be a better mom. I need to be a better wife. Are those dishes still sitting in the sink? I need to add Kleenex to my grocery list. If I go to sleep now I can get five hours of sleep.

Is Bill Burry dead? I miss walking into Grandpa’s house on Saturday mornings and hearing the old-time country. I wonder if Grandpa went to heaven. Do I get my alcoholism from him? I think that’s genetic. I should Google that. What is our Serious Safety Event Rate? Is it 0.68 or 0.71? Why can’t I remember anything? If I go to sleep now I can get four hours of sleep.

Should I go all out for Christmas this year? I wonder when a good weekend will be to put up Christmas lights. I should buy more Christmas lights. I’ll add those to my Amazon cart now. I am so hungry. If I get up to eat now I won’t be able to eat until 4pm, can I go without lunch? But do I want to stay overweight? Don’t I want to be skinny again and look and feel the way I used to? But I’ve had two kids, I’m not supposed to look like that anymore. I need to go back to the gym. What nights will I go to the gym this fall? MJ’s tumbling night changed and I don’t know if Ashley can go a different night, or maybe we can just go later. I need to add laundry detergent to my grocery list. If I go to sleep now I can get three hours of sleep.

What’s the point of sleeping now? Maybe I should just get up and clean. I hope no one stops by our house, it’s a disaster and I don’t want to clean. I hate cleaning. Why am I so short of breath? I need a pulse oximeter. If Jake gets paid the 27th, I can have the mortgage paid only two days late. Surely that won’t hurt my credit. What’s the big deal with credit scores anyway? I’m pretty sure I still owe TJ money. If I go to sleep now I can get a solid 45 minutes before having to go to work. Is that Mills crying? Lord, please no.

Am I having real chest pains or is that just my anxiety?