Isaiah 41:10

Am I enough? Am I doing enough? It’s been a week from hell- the anxiety and feelings of guilt. With two sick kids, I feel guilty going to work and not being at home; when I stay home with them, I feel guilty not being at work. I feel like any decision I make is the wrong one. I pride myself on being a good employee, but I try to prove to myself I’m also a good mom. I constantly battle inside my own head asking if I’m doing enough. I tell myself the job I’m doing is good, but is it good enough?

I’m not ashamed to admit I called my mom for help last night. Was I taking good enough care of my sick kids? I knew she would know. She didn’t correct anything I was doing, so I must’ve been doing it right. But I still needed her, for myself. I forget to take care of myself. I try so hard to take care of everyone else, and my mental health is suffering.

Earlier in the week I had a manic episode (better classified as my IED); my first one at work. I tried so hard to hold it in and repeatedly told myself it was ok. But to me, it wasn’t. The amount of stress it put on my mental state was unreal. I’m exhausted. I’m tired. I’m sad. But I’m also enough, and I will rest.

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”