Let Them
“Let people judge you.
Let them misunderstand you.
Let them gossip about you.
What they think of you isn’t your problem.
Their opinions do not pay your bills.
So no matter what they do or say…
Never doubt your worth
Or the beauty of your truth.
You keep on shining and let the haters hate.”
It was this quote that inspired my tattoo last summer. In addition to a semicolon for suicide awareness, I also chose an unalome- the Buddhist symbol that represents the path to enlightenment. It depicts the journey of life, with its twists and turns, and the eventual arrival at a state of enlightenment or nirvana.
All these combined together made absolute sense to me, as I was learning to forgive, but never to forget. While there is no need to rehash healed wounds, at the time, this tattoo wasn’t about self-reflection at all, it was a big “F you” to those who had hurt me.
After my cancer diagnosis, things changed and my perspective shifted. I realized I was letting something very trivial bother me and I would never be at peace with myself. I was putting myself in and out of depression, and contemplated suicide mulitple times.
Then, cancer showed her bitch-face on August 3 in a cold dark room, being surrounded by Dr. Jones, Cindy, Adrian and Steph… and things changed. I had previously been fighting with myself to die, now suddenly I was fighting with myself to continue to live.
Now, the angry “let them” was casting a new light. Holy shit how generous and caring are people! Complete strangers became friends, and anything anyone could do for us was being done.
Jake and I have always thought of ourselves as too proud to accept charity or donations, but when your world is turned upside down and people want to help… guess what? LET THEM!
It took me a few months to accept this concept, but the sicker I got and the less I could do, I needed help. I told myself, “if people are willing to help- let them. If someone offers- let them.” A friend came over to help shave my head early on into chemo, a random Thursday morning, and I kept apologizing to her. She told me, “Listen, people want to help and they don’t know how. They don’t know what you need or want. But if their generosity makes them feel like they’ve lessened your burden… let them! I am here because I want to be.”
So I started letting people in. I started accepting offers of help. I stopped saying, “no, you really don’t have to,” or “I don’t want to impose.” Mandy! LET THEM!
So later in life should my daughters ask me what my tattoo means, they won’t hear a hateful story. They will learn it is okay to ask for and receive help. It is okay to be vulnerable and open up. Sometimes it’s really difficult and scary to let people in. Nonetheless… let them.
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