The COVID Vaccine Made Me Cry

We all know I don’t do shots well and my coworkers all know they have to approach me with a sneak attack so I don’t have time to psych myself out! It’s actually been several years since an immunization has made me cry, but that all changed today.

I actually received my vaccine yesterday, but this evening on my way home from a long day, I did cry. I cried for a reason I probably will have a hard time explaining.

Let me start by saying, I was the last person on the list who wanted a COVID vaccine. I am a conspiracy theorist, and I believe some pretty wild things. One of those things being this vaccine is bogus and I’m not putting anything in my body that was rushed out of a lab. I had no intention of receiving this vaccine. None. Zero. Not doing it. As recent as Wednesday night I told one of my best friends I’d rather just get COVID. Tuesday night I told my parents there was no way I was getting that injection.

But something changed.

Thursday morning, my friend and mentor, who I respect very much, was adamant about her loved ones getting the vaccine, but told me I didn’t have to if I didn’t want to.

My dad had told me I was silly for not getting it if I could. He would do anything to be able to get it and I was lucky.

All day Thursday I helped with the vaccine clinic and saw a number of healthcare providers eagerly receive theirs. Then late in the afternoon, my very own doctor, perhaps the most conservative M.D. we have in our health system, was waiting in line for his.

My mind started changing. Maybe this is the real deal. A few providers I worked with in the ED called the vaccine a Christmas Miracle, and I saw several posting on Facebook how they are so lucky and thankful.

Lucky? What. I wouldn’t go that far!

The end of the day neared and the last dose was waiting, with no recipient. Wasting any vaccine or medication, in my mind, is an atrocity.

I very quickly told the person next to me I would take it if I could go across the hall away from everyone, mostly so I wouldn’t be embarrassed if I passed out. It all happened so quickly, I didn’t really have time to think about it.

I called my parents on my way home and told them I got it. They were both excited for me. Why were they so dang excited? I just wasn’t understanding the hype of this vaccine.

And then today… while working the clinic again, I had a conversation with a provider who has been on the front lines from the very beginning, in the middle of a nursing home outbreak, working the floor on the COVID unit, and sacrificing her time and own life to take care of those battling this virus (hoax or not). She had tears in her eyes and said this is such a blessing that we are able to receive this vaccine. She asked if I had gotten it yet, and I said yes, but I was still a little skeptical. She told me, that’s ok, I think everyone probably is a little bit. However, what is the worst that will happen, it doesn’t fully combat the virus and we still get COVID? But what is the best that could happen? It turns out to be efficient and effective and we finally get closer to an end? Back to a normal? A new normal, but more normal; not having to worry about whether our parents are going to get it, and especially that we don’t give it to them. Think of all the possible good, as opposed to the bad. This vaccine is a blessing.

Wow. Normal? It seems so far away and so unrealistic, but I will hold on to the hope that it could happen; and if this vaccine is the first step, then I am so happy I was able to receive it.

And that my friends, made my heart so happy, thankful, and… made me cry.