Triggers

Anxiety triggers, depression triggers, intermittent explosive triggers… so many triggers! But today I want to talk about what triggers my anxiety. My office-mate and I have had several conversations about anxiety, and how it can be so different for some people and so similar for others. So what crazy things intensify my anxiety? Glad you asked…

Pneumatic tube systems. I can’t. How do they work? They all seem different. What if I press the wrong button? Am I supposed to press a button? I will wait in the drive-thru line with direct person interaction, even if it’s 5-7 cars deep. I am not about to attempt that space machine. Whether it’s at the bank or pharmacy, I will wait my turn or go inside!

Automatic car wash. (Specifically Effingham South-Town) If I have to line up my tires, wait to hear a guy maybe yell “neutral” and then pray I can see his hand motions… no thank you. The only time I make an exception for this event is MJ’s birthday, as it is her most favorite car wash. Don’t get me wrong, they do a wonderful job, but it is not worth my panic attack!

Grocery pickup. So convenient, yet so nerve-racking. Especially the first time going to a new pick up location. Don’t think for one second I didn’t text my cousin asking for step by step instructions on how to do Aldi/Instacart my first time. What if my app doesn’t update? Do I have to call to check-in or will my phone just let them know. Do I open my trunk or will they? Do I close my trunk or will they? So many variables!

Oil change. Pulling in to Pro-Lube is absolutely terrifying. This is similar to the carwash. What if I don’t line my tires up correctly and drive in the hole? What if I don’t turn enough one way or too much another when the guy is doing those vague hand motions? What if they ask me about a new filter, if I want my a/c recharged or if I need my flux capacitor replaced? Can I quickly text Jake and will he respond in an appropriate amount of time not making me look like a complete idiot?

Being a spectator/large gatherings. More specifically, having to walk into a large gym/auditorium/church in front of people. The social anxiety and absolute panic is unreal. I go into a hot flash and sometimes get dizzy. My vision seems to blur and I have no idea where to go or sit! I know it’s common for a man to hold the door and/or let a lady go first, but I’d much prefer Jacob just walk ahead of me and make the decision for me! So to me, it’s not disrespectful, it’s actually so helpful and just know he’s doing me a favor!

Making plans. I don’t know if I’ll be manic that day. I don’t know if I’ll be depressed that day. I don’t know if I will get out of bed that day. I am the worst at making plans and making a commitment. Luckily, my close friends already know this about me and know me cancelling last minute is pretty common!

Self-check-out. Do I look suspicious? Am I overreacting? Am I scanning too slow? Am I scanning too fast? Do I look suspicious? What if I don’t bag this item? I don’t want to bag this item! Do I look suspicious?

Unexpected phone calls/missed phone calls. (Specifically from family members) Why would a family member be calling me? It’s bad. I know it’s bad. Why did my brother try calling me at 7 am? Someone died. Are my parents ok? Even though it turns out he butt dialed me… The instant fear consumes me! To make matters worse, if I call back and there’s no answer! My mind goes straight to worst case scenario.

Non-believers. Let me clarify. People who don’t believe anxiety is real or don’t understand it is much more than “just being worried.” It is very real, and very overwhelming. Some days it takes my breath away. But knowing certain people either don’t understand it or don’t believe it’s real and being around them, makes it that much worse!

To conclude today’s lesson… I am weird. My anxiety is weird. My triggers are weird. But at least now you know!